Gain Weight Super Fast !!

I just come across these funny and crazy (I guess) ways to gain weight super fast! Haha.. Happy gaining 10 pounds per hour!

First, watch too much television. You know it is bad when you don't even need a clock. What time is it? Well, it is half past Oprah and a quarter to Ellen Degeneres. What time is dinner? After Friends is finished, of course. Every time you see a commercial, you know you've just gained 10 more pounds.

Next, stop going to the drug store. You don't need a pharmacist. You need Betty Crocker. She was the greatest chemist that ever lived. What do you take for a headache? Well, I take one brownie and a tall glass of milk. That seems to cure every illness we have. So, this method is sure to give you 10 pounds every time you have a headache.

Now, you can't expect to gain weight fast if you are still using the four food groups they gave you in school. Try using my new and improved food groups. First, there is the sugar group. This includes Snickers bars. Secondly, you have the soda group. Yes, this includes my morning Pepsi and all the ones after that. Thirdly, you have your snack group. This is chips, Twisties, beef jerky, and anything you can snack on. Yes, a few of those can be cross-referenced to the sugar group. This just makes them even better. Your fourth food group consists of fast food. KFC, McDonalds, Kenny Rogers, all of these are great ways to gain about 20 - 40 pounds.

Another way to gain weight fast is to be born a woman. Yes, women seem to gain 20 pounds for every pound a man gains. However, for every pound women loose, men seem to loose 20 more than ladies. So, if you really want to gain weight fast, you need two x chromosomes instead of one.